So I’m enjoying sharing links to awesome things I’ve found, discussing the things I often write about here: kink, trauma, writing, polyamory, representation of marginalized folks, oppression, sexuality, disability, queerness, fat activism, erotica, trans and non-binary daily life. Here are the ones I found this past week.
Neve Be’s beautiful piece, “Virgins in Time” on time travel, claiming desire in the midst of trauma, queerness and being a sixteen year old virgin again many years later.
“It is possible and necessary to alter time when you are queer. Our temporality is simply not a heteropatriarchal ciscentric one. But time itself is spun out through the mouths of the bodies that are not ours. How can we see or hear or fuck as ourselves when we use their language and method of timekeeping? How to re-remember who we have been and who we might have been and who we can still be if we do not shift our perception of our lived reality in a queerphobic world? What I’m trying to say is, as radical queers, we are gifted with the ability to time travel. And it’s time to tap in. You can sacrifice this ability, or you can run with it. Fuck with time. Unfuck yourself. Fuck love into yourself. Become yourself. Visibility means nothing if we are not also reflective and pursuing inner growth. Growth inside our bodies. Growth inside our own paradigms. You have choices. If this analogy is so obvious to you that I have hurt your feelings by writing it out, I’m sorry. If it is so new to you that I have blown your wad, welcome to the void.”
Ada Hoffman on worldbuilding about, through, and with autism.
“Whatever your worldbuilding flavor, there’s a way to work autism in—and whatever kind of story you want for your autistic characters, there’s a world for it. Utopian and dystopian writing can use concerns about disability as the basis for a whole world. Autism can intersect in fascinating ways with the technological and cultural details of your world. Or autism can be treated the way it is here and now—which can be an opportunity to comment directly on real-world disability issues, or to focus on including autistic characters in a more universal experience. Either way, speculative fiction gives us a full box of tools to write exciting adventures for all sorts of autistic people—in any possible world.”
Kathleen Burdo on 9 steps to coming out to health care providers about being queer, kinky, poly, or a sex worker.
“Instead of potentially being shamed or refused care, a lot of queer folk just go without. And while we don’t have reliable stats on kinky people, poly people, or sex workers, I hear that same sentiment echoed in those communities: “I just go without.” Or: “I just don’t tell my doctor.””
Delilah Dawson on how to take an idea and make it into a story. This series of tweets takes a concrete example and draws it through a process of building a story.
“There’s this weird myth that bigotry only looks like physical violence, and yes that’s awful, but deep down the physical violence is only a symptom. Bigotry, real harmful sustained across generations bigotry is much more covert. It lends itself to creating fictional characters that paint Black people as violent thugs, it lends itself to Black motherhood being depicted as loveless, it lends itself to trans characters that are villains, to killing lesbians off for loving, to disability as a burden on families, to a million and one seemingly individual stories that paint a comprehensive picture of anyone who is not cis, white, straight, and able bodied as unworthy of existence”
Mark Hay interviews Rebecca Moller about having sex with Ehlers Danlos syndrome.
“Whoever I’m with as my partner, I’m worried how they’ll react. If I dislocate, is that going to be a problem or is that OK? I could dislocate my jaw for instance and then put it back and be quite willing to carry on. But for some people, that’s too much. It would kill the mood, understandably. I have to talk through things with people much more and say, ‘you need to be aware that this might happen, but you don’t need to worry about it unless I tell you to.’”
Sinclair Sexsmith’s list of 10 best erotica books for butches. Some of my favorite erotica collections are on this list; it’s definitely worth checking out. (It includes my collection, Show Yourself To Me, which I’m deeply honored by.)
This interview with queer erotic romance writer Kris Ripper on Just Love Romance
“If you’re a writer, sit down right now and write a character who intimidates the hell out of you. Not to publish it. Just to write it.”
“For me, self-publishing is a radical act of self-care because it redirects my energy away from a toxic engagement with those who are oblivious to the “urgencies” of my community (I am indebted to Robin Bernstein for this definition of obliviousness: “not merely an absence of knowledge, but an active state of repelling knowledge”). Self-publishing stops me from knocking on a door that will never open—or only open grudgingly.
Telling my own stories in my own way is also, for me, the ultimate act of self-love because it is an act of resistance. It is a rejection of the implicit messages editors send along with their “Thanks, but no thanks”: you’re not worthy, you’re not one of us, you have nothing meaningful or important to say.”
Stella Young’s letter to her younger self about sex, dating, and disability
“All your worries about love and sex and relationships are reasonable and real. I’d be lying if I told you none of your fears are justified. Let me just allay the strongest of those fears upfront: you will have sex. A lot of sex. Relax.
The truth is, there will be people who will overlook you, who will pass you over and ignore you. There’ll be people who are really attracted to you, but whose feelings are squashed by the social pressures of what the media and society tells them is acceptable attraction. That’s ok. It’s just the way it goes. The good news is, it’s nowhere near as bad as you think it’s going to be. Not even close.
Those things are bound up in some other stuff you need to deal with first. You need to stop fantasising about being able-bodied, just for starters. I know it’s hard. All the people around you occupy the same kind of physical space. It’s hard not to imagine that you look just like them, because you feel just like them on the inside. But you don’t look like them; you look like you. And the sooner you start surrounding yourself with people who look different, the more comfortable you’ll be with your own difference.”
I wrote about my process and experience of centering disabled characters in my erotica.
“This project was an integration of my own transformation with regard to my own disabilities. I had been moving in a new direction around my own experience of disability and illness, and my writing was catching up with me, so to speak. These processes of embracing disability, in my life and in my writing, have had a tremendously important impact, created huge change for me, and they have intertwined and played off of each other in many ways.”