A Roundup of Things I’ve Written About Trauma and Abuse

So I thought I might do a roundup page of links to stuff I have written about trauma and abuse, especially since more people may be coming to my website looking for that content.

A bit of background:

I am a survivor of multiple different kinds of abuse and trauma. I have complex PTSD as a result of that. I have had many close relationships with trauma survivors.

I also spent close to 20 years in the trauma field, where I did a range of things from training for professionals to evaluation to research to direct service work to supervision, primarily focused on services for survivors of intimate violence (e.g. sexual assault, intimate partner violence, intimate partner stalking, child abuse). Ten years of that was full time work at a large victim assistance agency in NYC. I left the field a few years ago.

In addition to my personal and professional experience, I facilitate community workshops for survivors, particularly sexuality & kink focused workshops for queer, trans & kinky survivors of intimate violence.

I also write queer kink erotica and romance that centers survivor characters, specifically for survivor readers. On occasion, I do sensitivity reading for books with trauma survivor characters.

General Posts About Abuse & Trauma  

Posts About Reading & Writing Stories that Center Trauma Survivors

My Fiction that Centers Survivor Characters

  • Show Yourself To Me: My recent queer kink erotica collection has many stories that center survivor characters. For more information about survivor representation in this collection, you can see this post.
  • Shocking Violet: This is a work in progress, a queer kink polyamorous romance centering 5 characters who all have PTSD. All excerpts are collected here. A few that talk specifically about trauma and coping with trauma: Chapter 1 (both audio and text), and this excerpt showing Jax coping with trauma symptoms.
  • Jonah’s Book: This is a work in progress,  a novel about trauma, desire, music, gender, disability and ghosts. It centers an autistic physically disabled kinky queer genderqueer character named Jonah, who loves musicals, has survived awful shit, and is having a very hard year. It doesn’t have a real title yet, so right now I call it Jonah’s book. Here is a short excerpt that describes how Jonah thinks about trauma.

Posts about Trauma, Consent, Sexuality & BDSM

  • Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction: A post describing how safewords are one of many ways (and not The One True Way) to get consent in BDSM.
  • A guest post on F. Leonora Solomon’s blog where I tell a story about my experience bottoming in a cathartic scene soon after leaving an abusive relationship.
  • One Sadists Consent: A post describing my experiences with consent and my approach to consent as a top, particularly around sadism
  • Being a Disabled Top in Kink Community: A post where I talk about my experiences being a disabled top, that includes discussion of PTSD.
  • The Spaces Between Desire and Action: A guest post on Rebekah Weatherspoon’s blog, about the complexities of consent, specifically discussing the way that naming desires does not mean you are consenting to act on them, and how taking a breath between desire and action can be an important part of honoring consent.
  • The Importance of Context: A livejournal post on the ways context matters to me a great deal, and outside of the context of consensual BDSM, things that might be read as kink are read as violence.

4 thoughts on “A Roundup of Things I’ve Written About Trauma and Abuse

  1. I’ve found your recent article on emotional abuse extremely helpful. I ended a toxic friendship at the beginning of this year and have had numerous guilty nightmares relating to my retreat. Reviewing your list of sabotaging and manipulative behaviours really helped me to regain perspective and helped me to regain some peace about my decision. The guilt is the accumulative effect of this person having their way with me for so long and me finally cracking without (to my mind) enough warning about what they were doing wrong. Looking back, there’s no way they can’t have known that the pressure they were applying was unreasonable.

    I still don’t believe this was deliberate, but she had the talent for making me feel small, stupid and slow when she had to repeat herself. I’m profoundly deaf, so imperfect lip-reading sort of comes with the territory. I’ve always known that her impatience with me was more about her desperation to be “heard” emotionally, and not about me failing to hear her, but the eye-rolls and huffs hurt, especially as she was partially-hearing herself and might have had more understanding of my limitations if she’d extrapolated her own limitations more to see my point of view. Still, that never seemed to be a reciprocal priority for her.

    Sorry, I’m rambling. Long story short, you’ve given me much-needed clarity. Thank you.

    The nightmares aren’t going to stop overnight, but I have better daytime tools to deal with them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your painful experiences along with your expertise.

    Liked by 1 person

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