On Internalizing the Cis Gaze When Thinking About Sex and Relationships

As a heads up, this essay tells several detailed stories about transmasculine people internalizing the cis gaze and passing those messages on to other transmasculine people, particularly with regards to sex, dating, romance, and relationships, and the representation of trans and/or non-binary people in romance and erotica. It includes descriptions of cissexism and internalized trans […]

A hopeful excerpt for a hard day

It’s been a rough week. In the world, and for me. So I thought I might post a good-sized chunk of Shocking Violet that feels especially hopeful and cozy, and introduce you to Zak while I’m at it. If you want to know more about these characters or read previous excerpts, you can find a […]

Writing Sex Scenes With Less Cissexism, Pt 2: Story Level Trans-Exclusion

This is the second post in a series for writers, especially writers of erotica and romance. This series is focused on writing sex scenes with trans and/or non-binary characters in a way that includes less unintentional cissexism. Part 1 focused on cissexism between characters during sex scenes. Parts 2-6 focus on bigger picture questions and narrative […]

Writing Sex Scenes With Less Cissexism, Pt 1: Betweeen Characters

This is the first post in a series for writers, especially writers of erotica and romance. This series is focused on writing sex scenes with trans and/or non-binary characters in a way that includes less unintentional cissexism. This post focuses on cissexism between characters during sex scenes: what it can look like, with concrete examples. Part 2 focuses […]

A Roundup of Things I’ve Written About Trauma and Abuse

So I thought I might do a roundup page of links to stuff I have written about trauma and abuse, especially since more people may be coming to my website looking for that content. A bit of background: I am a survivor of multiple different kinds of abuse and trauma. I have complex PTSD as […]

On #WorldMentalHealthDay, talking about stigma and internalized ableism

I had a conversation with my (fairly new) therapist recently. I was talking about a situation that had triggered my internalized ableism around my mental health in particular. I used the words internalized ableism. She was confused. Said she understood what internalized ableism is, but didn’t get how it applied in the situation. Turns out […]

Noticing Oppressive Ways of Thinking

I have spent much of my life working to unpack and address the legacies of abusive power, colonization, and oppression that I have internalized. It is life-long work. Work I find essential to being the person I want to be and doing the work I need to do in the world. Work that helps me […]