Corey Alexander is an Oakland-based queer transgender stone butch, and an educator/writer/activist living with chronic pain. Corey publishes queer and trans BDSM erotica under the nom de plume Xan West; their story “First Time Since” won honorable mention for the 2008 National Leather Association John Preston Short Fiction Award. Corey has been organizing kink education and presenting classes on kink, sex, and relationships since 2003, and has taught at The Exiles, Lesbian Sex Mafia, Queer Invasion, Instigate NYC, and The Citadel, and at national queer and leather events like Butch Voices, NOLOSE, TESFest, Forge Forward, and TNG3. Corey was the founding facilitator of the Queer Special Interest Group at The Eulenspiegal Society, a member of the CC4D collective, and ran programming for The Floating World 2010. Contact Corey at firstname.lastname@example.org with teaching inquiries.
Reading Your Partner Using All Six Senses Ever struggle to know how best to please your partner(s)? Ever wish you could tell what your partner(s) really want? Ever wish you could figure out whether it was too much or not enough? One of our most prized assets (in kink and in life) is information. Whether constructing a scene, inducing an orgasm, offering pleasing service, or renegotiating polyamory, information can only assist you in your endeavors. This workshop will offer specific tools to increase your ability to gather information–to read your partner(s)–in sex, in play, and in life.
BDSM Skills for New Tops This workshop is for new tops, folks that are new to being, or wanting to be, the person that administers sensation, runs the fuck, or is in charge in sex, BDSM, or erotic power exchange. One of the keys for new tops is around permission—folks giving themselves permission to desire what they desire, and to act on those desires. Engaging with permission is one of the keys to this workshop; it also offers concrete skills for negotiation and self discovery around desire.
Strategizing Re-entry: Drop and Aftercare You have gone to scary and wonderful places. You have flown high, dropped deep, exploded into tiny bits, or feel like you own the universe. Ever have a hard time getting back to the rest of the world? Ever struggle in recovering from sex, scenes or weekend events? Ever grapple with opposing aftercare needs or expectations? Ever have difficulty getting your aftercare needs met? This class will offer tools to help you identify what you need out of aftercare, make aftercare work for you and your partner(s), and deal with drop.
Your Secret Map to the World of Kink Ethics This highly interactive workshop offers participants a set of tools that they can use to build/articulate their own personal ethical system. It posits a starter pack of 5 pillars of kink ethics, offers an array of ethical systems examples, and real world kink ethics questions to consider, and gives participants the opportunity to discuss and discover their own kink ethics. This class takes what could be a dry topic and makes it interactive and exciting.
What Do I Need Anyway? Relationship Negotiation From Ds to Poly You have heard Them say it. “You can’t get your needs met until you know what they are.” Figuring out your limits for SM play is hard enough…how do you figure out what your needs, limits, desires, and bottom lines are in complex BDSM relationships? This class will offer tools for figuring that out, so that you can go into negotiation prepared. It will also offer you tips for negotiating poly relationships, navigating Ds negotiation, and reading your partner(s).
You Don’t Just Do It Once: Ongoing Relationship Negotiation in Polyamory Initial negotiations are challenging enough, how do you continue to negotiate polyamorous relationships as they develop and shift? This class will offer tools for figuring out what you need, what has changed, what you want to change, and how to go about talking about that with your parter(s). It will also offer you specific tips for negotiating poly relationships as a non-primary partner, dealing with common conflicts in polyamory negotiation, and adjusting your relationships as (all of) you change.
Navigating Changing Relationships in Polyamory Change can create difficult and murky relationship waters, stir up strong feelings, and be challenging to navigate, particularly in polyamorous kinky relationships. This highly interactive workshop will offer a space of calm in the storm of change. It will offer tools for figuring out what you need amidst the changes, how changes have affected you, what you want to renegotiate and do in response, and how to go about talking about all of that with your parter(s). This class centers on polyamorous relationships in kink communities, but can also apply to monogomous relationships.
Letting Go: Closure in Scenes and Relationships Ever feel like the ending was too abrupt, lingered, or never really ended? Ever struggle to find a natural end when it feels like it could go on forever? How do you close the scene, the dynamic, or the BDSM relationship so that it feels like it has a real tangible end? This class will offer tools to strategize closure in our kink lives, discussing ways to close scenes, and find closing rituals that assist you in letting go of BDSM relationships that have ended.
For Sadists and Masochists
Sadist Beast: Exploring the Darkness Sadism can evoke our darkest selves. The nihilistic urges that most fear to bring to light. Many describe these dark places in feral terms. What does it mean to have that beast roam inside your skin, seeking prey? How do you accept the darkest parts of yourself? How do you harness that feral energy responsibly? How do you select appropriate prey? What are the risks and rewards of going deeply into these dark sadistic places? In this interactive workshop, Corey Alexander will discuss these questions and more.
Please Hurt Me: Finding and Nurturing Sadists Want someone to hurt you? Drive your thoughts away with pain? Gain pleasure from your fear, tears, and suffering? How do you find the sadist of your dreams, and what do you do with the sadist you’ve found? How do you support sadism in a new top? How do you nurture sadism within someone who is ambivalent or conflicted about it? This interactive discussion-based workshop will offer tools for supporting and nurturing reluctant sadists, attracting experienced sadists, and navigating play so you get the kind of pain you want.
Bladeplay: Getting Inside You Without Breaking Skin Blades can be an extension of your body, conduct your energy. Blades can inspire fear, arousal, helplessness, complete stillness. This class focuses on bladeplay that gets inside you without breaking skin, whether that’s about sex, or spirit, or psyche.
Pushing Your Own Limits: Edgeplay from the Top Bottoms are not the only ones that push their limits. This interactive workshop/discussion focuses on edgeplay that pushes tops out of our comfort zones. Whether you are a seasoned or newly exploring edgeplayer from the top, or want to support a top in pushing edges, this class is for you.
Strategies for Upping Your Mean Factor: Working With Physical Limitations This interactive workshop offers tools for upping the level of physical pain and psychological distress that you cause, within your own physical limitations, whether they be strength, size, disability, or stamina. It unabashedly celebrates sadism, and is for all who are interested in upping the mean factor in their play.
Dating, Sex, and Kink in the Context of Chronic Pain If you experience chronic pain and/or play/fuck/date those who do, this interactive workshop is for you. We will discuss our dating/sex/kink lives with folks who get what it’s like to experience the changeable nature of chronic pain with its unpredictable energy/pain levels, from fibro to migraines to endometriosis. We will share our tips & tricks for fucking while in pain, disclosing to new dates, developing access intimacy, adjusting around flares or fog, and getting the pain play we ache for.
Full Body BDSM: When Size Is an Advantage Full body BDSM play is about using your whole body as a tool to inflict sensation on willing victims. The bigger the body, the more options you have. The sting of a slap on the cheek. The slam of a boot in the thigh. The intense thud of a punch to the pecs. The bite of a pinch on the nipple. The invasion of teeth on the neck. Body slams. Light strokes. Tonguing skin. Nails on the back. Your whole body can be a sex toy. No preparation needed, and no heavy toybags. Come to listen, watch the demonstration, or try this sort of play hands-on. This is a size-positive hands-on workshop open to everyone.
Creating Positive Connections: for Survivors of Abuse and their Partners This class is geared specifically towards survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault and child abuse, and their partners. It is focused on providing practical tools that enable hot play, needed aftercare, exploration of desire and sex, and pushing limits and edges. It will cover trauma and it’s long term effects, negotiation, communication, as well as coping with triggers. It is a workshop based discussion, where tools will be offered, but participants will also have the opportunity to raise questions and discuss difficulties with each other (This class can also be broken into two groups, one for partners and one for survivors.)
Queer Fat Activism: Why Sex-Positivity Matters This interactive workshop offers a framework for thinking about queer fat activism that illuminates the importance of sex-positive analysis and strategies. It examines how sex-positivity and body-positivity feed each other, the need for embodied activism, and the ways that sex-positivity can encourage us to bring our whole complex selves to the table. It covers pitfalls of a simplistic sex-positive politic, how sex-negativity supports multiple oppressions, and ways to respond to sex-negativity.
Stone Identity, Sexuality, and Relationships
Stone Sex and Kink Stone is often only seen as an absence, a loss, a problem. This interactive workshop offers an alternative perspective on stone, celebrating the hotness of stone sex and play, discussing the impact of anti-stone prejudice, and ways we all can honor the desires and boundaries of our partners and ourselves.
Doing Relationships with Emotional Armor: For Stones and our Partners One thing many stones have in common is emotional armor. We are often expected to be tough, to not show our insides, to gut it out. We protect our butch hearts, show ourselves to the world as granite, unshakeable, stoic. Armor is often valued, admired, and seen as attractive; at the same time, we are often criticized for our armor, for not opening up to our partners. This workshop focuses on honoring our armor, however thick it may be, even if we are also exploring ways to open up. We will talk about how we do relationships and intimacy, how we take care of ourselves and our partners, how we take risks. We will also create space to talk about the challenges of armor and what we need from our partners when we do show what’s inside. This is a workshop based discussion, where tools will be offered, but participants will also have the opportunity to raise questions and discuss difficulties with each other.