Why I Care About Depicting Survivors of Abusive BDSM Continuing to Do Kink

As a heads up, this post discusses abusive BDSM relationships, intimate partner violence, and sexual assault. It also discusses ableism and stigma around mental illness in kink communities, anti-kink prejudice in survivor spaces and therapeutic treatment, and kink community responses to abuse. It includes a brief reference to an abusive therapist. It includes a brief […]

Discerning Emotional Abuse in Relationships

As a heads up, this post will discuss emotional abuse tactics in detail. I encourage you to take care of yourself as you engage with it. If you get triggered while reading this post, this emergency emotional safety plan may be useful in managing that. (It’s a downloadable PDF.) About nine months ago, partly in […]

One Top’s Perspective On Talking Publicly About Kink Relationships and Exes

When I publicly tell stories about my own kink experiences (which I do quite frequently both as a kink educator and on this site), it is primarily in service of a goal: to illustrate something I’m trying to explain, to make a point, to give context, to articulate something about myself or something I’ve learned, […]

In Support of the Practice of Discerning Abusive Dynamics and Behaviors

(As you can likely guess, I’m going to speak bluntly in this post about abusive behavior, which includes things like violence and oppression.) I’ve written before about how part of being trauma survivor, for me, is about diligently working to recognize abusive dynamics and behaviors: in others, in institutions, and in myself. In this post, […]