Table of Contents for Show Yourself To Me

We have finalized the stories that are going to be included in my collection, Show Yourself To Me: Queer Kink Erotica, out this fall from Go Deeper Press. (Pre-order here.) There are twenty four in all, and I wanted to share them with you, with a tiny snippet that gives you a taste of the story.

As a heads up, these snippets include references to Daddy play, cocksucking, D/s, play with misogyny, pain play, begging, fear play, public sex, sadism, transformative play, age play, and gender play.

1. Missing Daddy

“That’s right, boy. Tonight you will get what you have been begging for.”

2. Nervous Boy

“He is scared—what if it isn’t how he wanted it? Or, worse, what if it is? What if he really is a cocksucking fagboy who gets on his knees for strangers in alleys?”

3. The Test

“Can I suck your cock well enough to convince you to take on a novice?”

4. The Tender Sweet Young Thing

“So, Téo…are you a tender sweet young thing?”

“Who, me?” he drawled, winking at hir.

“I thought you might be.” Dax smiled into the boy’s eyes. “I can gather up a few tigers for Jericho’s party next week.”

“I have the perfect dress!”

5. My Will

“I couldn’t stop thinking about submitting to him. So when he offered a scene for my birthday, I accepted, holding tight to my safe word, grasping firmly the idea that this was an exception, a time away from the rest of my life. Like a vacation.”

6. First Time Since

“It was at this conference that I felt myself start coming back to life. I ached with new sensations, electric shocks of warmth moving through me. I felt my stride deepen in those boots, the sensation winding up my legs to my cock. I was conscious of it swelling as I moved through crowds, claiming space with the strength of my walk. I sat down in packed rooms, conscious of eyes on my boots, aware of the gaze of other men for the first time since.”

7. Falling for Essex

“Samuel was nervous. He couldn’t stop thinking about Leroy. And now he was going to his house! Samuel’s housemate Cleo was sick of hearing him recount the latest brilliant thing Leroy had said in seminar and told him to just go for it already.

‘After all,” she said, “it’s not like UCSC is teeming with hot black queers. Lord knows I’m not finding any dykes worth a second look. Why are you hesitating?’

It wasn’t just that he’d never been with a cis guy outside of anonymous blowjobs in the library bathroom. Leroy was brilliant, and he was pretty sure he couldn’t keep up.”

8. My Precious Whore

“There something so perverse about using misogyny as a sex toy—the same misogyny that nearly destroyed me as a girl.”

9. This Boy

“I want to teach this boy exactly what he is asking for.”

10. It’s My Job

“It’s my job to stand still and take it for Daddy. I don’t have to like it. I just have to stay standing, relatively still, and take whatever he wants to dish out. That’s what boys do, he says, that’s how you build a boy up.”

11. My Pretty Boy

“I need to go down, hard. Need to prove I can take a lot. I need to bleed for you.”

“You can take a lot. You’re tough. The prettiest boys usually are, hm? It takes a lot of strength to be a pretty boy.”

Rickie drew in a ragged breath as he nodded. He said, “Sir, I need…please make my mascara run.”

12. Please

“Here are the rules. I do what I want to you. You don’t touch me without permission. If you want me to stop, you say ‘stop.’ That is the only word that will stop me, but if I hear it, I will stop immediately. I won’t do anything that could harm you, but I may want to hurt you a little, and I definitely want to fuck you. Are you game?”

My eyes felt like they were going to pop out of my head. I just stood there, looking at him. I had played this kind of game before, but never with a stranger. That reckless feeling that was riding me all day filled my throat, pushing me. I was damn tempted. I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted to be in his power in that moment.

13. How He Likes It

“Me begging is not just how he likes it, it’s how I need it. I ache to bring my raw dripping need to him, to offer it up, spill it into his lap.

That’s exactly where he wanted me that night. In his lap, aching. He wanted to watch me writhe with it, wanted to savor the sight of me begging. He wanted to hold me down and watch me have my desire held against me, until I was burning, sobbing with need. He wanted to grasp his control firmly and decide whether he would let me get what I begged for. He had described it for me in detail, watched my eyes widen at the thought of it, my breath quicken with the knowledge that he wanted to offer me to another, while he held me and felt me writhe.”

14. Facing the Dark

“I want to test myself,” he said. “I want to prove how strong I can be. I want to face my fear. I want to lose control. I hear you are the man who can do that for me.”

15. Alley Obsession

“I take you to the alley. I know exactly where I want to go. It is dark, but the streetlight isn’t so far away that we wouldn’t be able to see danger coming. The danger is part of the point. I’ve heard so many stories about fag public sex, and danger is one of the key elements that makes it hot for me. It’s not just the public part. That could be at a bar or a dungeon, but fag + public sex = danger = desire for me.”

16. Willing

“The beast inside me calls for flesh, for pain. He is demanding and relentless, and I barely keep him in check. It’s better if they choose it. Want it. It adds a certain something that is indescribable and yet has become necessary to the meal. So I keep him sated with sadism, feeding on fear and pain and sex and helplessness. Once, I was waiting for the willing—that illusive willing boy I might call my own. I no longer hope for him. He does not exist.”

17. Ready

“Daddy said I was ready for this. I trusted him, and yet…I didn’t feel ready. I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel ready. But I showed up anyway, knowing that part of what would get me through it was obedience, choosing to give myself to his will.

Some scenes change you. Sometimes you don’t know they will until they have. Sometimes you can tell beforehand. I knew I would walk out changed that night. If I could just get through it.”

18. What I Need

“I need to be inside you. This minute. No waiting. No preparation. Fuck taking off any clothes. Fuck finding an appropriate place. Fuck finishing this conversation. I need to pull my dick out of my pants and be inside you immediately.”

19. Dancing for Daddy

“I trust my Daddy, trust that she will push me, will be good to me, will stop if I need it, will care for me if I fall apart. I trust that she is not like the ones who abused me, that she’s not out to destroy me, but in this for our mutual pleasure. I trust that she will create a safe space for me to be a little girl, just as she trusts me to create a safe space for her to be a Daddy.”

20. A Large Full Meal

“I play hard. It is the only way to play. And I had a live one that night. A fellow top who, by the grace of the gods, had decided I was worthy. His strength was glorious, his power immense, and I was playing with someone who absolutely could take me physically if he chose. Our play was premised on his continual consent. There is nothing hotter than a faggot who owns his desires, especially desires that rarely get fulfilled.”

21. Compersion

“He calls it ‘showing off for Daddy.’ He likes to show off for me. It gives him the opportunity to make me proud and get me off all at once. He picks tops that are wired like me, ones who get off on tears, fear, control, and pain. Because he loves to play that way, but also because he knows that it will give me a good show. He knows that watching him cry as he gets fucked is sure to make me come.”

22. The Tale of Jan and Tam

“I don’t want the transformative part to be about me and what I need. What I need is pain. If that can be a path to your transformative experience, that would be my choice.”

Tam was silent for a few minutes. Who was this person? How could they have arrived offering exactly what ze had just realized ze needed? Ze couldn’t even really believe it.

23. Baxter’s Boy

“I ached to be boy enough for him. Except I wasn’t a boy. I wasn’t even butch. This high femme dyke ached to play with queer boys. I jacked off to gay porn. I knelt to suck butch cock, dreaming of alleys and piers, glory holes and bathrooms. I had fantasies about Baxter, because he was a fag…and had dated femmes. Might there still be desire in there for a femme in seamed stockings, her deep red lips on his cock?”

24. Strong

“Gender is a dangerous and delicious edge in which we play, knowing that we may inadvertently step on the minefields of our gendered histories and present struggles. Part of the thrill is that danger. We push gender to its own edges, play its sharpness against our throats, fear in our mouths, ache in our guts, building armor against becoming what we fear.”