Being a Disabled Top in Kink Community

This post is based on the talk I gave at the Center for Sex and Culture last summer as part of a panel about kink and disability. It is posted as part of Blogging Against Disablism Day (BADD). This post is about my experience of uncovering limitations related to being a disabled top, and figuring […]

What I Love About Pinching

I was lucky enough to find some old fashioned wooden clothespins that matched the colors on my boyfriend’s Easter basket. Those 50 clothespins are now attached to the basket, on display. Waiting for the right moment. I love pinching. Big thuddy pinches that grab large portions of skin. Tiny biting pinches that grab small bits […]

One Sadist’s Consent

My Consent-Seeking Approach I’m the kind of dominant that carefully negotiates the aspects of control we might play with. The kind of top that lays out a set of tools and asks you to examine and select from them. The kind of butch that asks, politely, if it is alright to flirt with you. My […]

I Talk A Lot, But Not About That

When we talk about play in kink community, we often focus on the bottom’s experience, the bottom’s desires and needs, the bottom’s journey in a scene, without discussing the top’s experience, desires, needs, or journey. I’ve seen this in the way we talk about negotiation, warm up, and aftercare, where the focus is on the […]

A Few Things I Wish I’d Known About Sex, Dating, & Kink

A Letter to My Younger Genderqueer Self There are no rules that will actually make sense to you about how to date. It’s ok. You’ll figure out how to date anyway. After all, you can’t understand the rules about gender, and even if you did you wouldn’t fit them, and don’t really want to most […]

Imagining Disabled Characters in Erotica

About two years ago, Sharon Wachsler asked Sinclair Sexsmith this question, as part of an interview about Best Lesbian Erotica 2012: “what would it add for you to find more disabled characters in erotica?” I thought it was a really useful question, and I wanted to contemplate it, and perhaps blog about it. It’s taken me […]

Elust #70

Welcome to Elust #70 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #71? Start with the rules, come back June 1st […]