Ask the Author: A Sex Question

I got a question from someone who was reading my queer kink erotica collection, Show Yourself to Me. Since this is a rather common thing that I get asked about, I thought I’d post the question and my answer here.

(As a heads up, this post openly discusses a Daddy/boy relationship, blood sports, sex, barebacking and ejaculation.)

I take a particular approach to writing erotica centering trans characters, and describing sex, and it’s something that may be new to some folks, especially given the way most sexual media about trans people is extremely genitals-focused. My erotica works counter to that, choosing to not describe genitals in detail or give a lot of detail about exactly what bodies are doing during sex; instead it prioritizes the emotional reality of the POV characters (who are often the trans and non-binary characters).

The question that follows is about the story “Missing Daddy,” which is told from the POV of a trans man dominant, remembering when he was a submissive to his former Daddy, another trans man. The moment in the story that is referenced is at the end of the story, what we might think of as the cum shot, were this visual porn instead of written erotica.

Q: In your story “Missing Daddy” it says “and his teeth were claiming me, and my cock was spurting, and Daddy’s come invaded me, seeping into me as he drank me down.” I had assumed they were both using strap-ons. So I’m wondering how their cocks were spurting?

A: In Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg, sex with a strap-on is referred to as an “act of sweet imagination” by one of the characters. I think that’s a really apt description, especially when it comes to sex with, and/or between, trans folks.

Both characters are trans men, and part of what sex looks like for them is about the framework of how they understand it, the way that shapes their experience. In their case, the MC of the story is deeply invested in understanding himself and his Daddy as queer men, has all these fantasies about queer men’s public sex spaces and being affirmed in his manhood via participating in them as a queer man with other queer men. So, for him, when he conceives of getting fucked by his Daddy, it includes barebacking and being filled and claimed in that way by his Daddy. And when he conceives of his own orgasm, it’s within the framework of his own sense of self as a queer man, so he thinks of it with words like spurting.

This language for thinking about sex as a trans man and/or with trans men is fairly common, in my experience (though of course it’s not something all trans men use). It’s not intended to be a literal description of what bodies are doing, but instead is a description of the character’s experience of sex. That is generally true for all my sex scenes: I am not describing the literal detail of bodies and acts, I am describing the experience of sex from a character’s perspective.

I feel I should clarify as a sex educator that yes it is possible to get strap-ons that ejaculate (though sex toy reviewers say good ones are rare). And yes it is possible for some trans men and trans masc folks to ejaculate with their bodies. When women ejaculate, it’s often called squirting, but as that term is intentionally feminized, it’s fairly common for trans guys & trans mascs and non-binary folks with vulvas who ejaculate to call it something else that may be less dysphoria-inducing, which can include things like spurting, creaming, coming, etc. That said, it wasn’t my intention while writing to imply that either of those things were necessarily going on in this scene. (Though of course if folks want to read it that way, they are welcome to.)

Part of what I do in my work is choose to avoid describing genitals in detail or acts that are likely to be disruptive for trans readers. I’ve written essays about this choice, this one discusses that strategy. I also write about sex from a place of resisting sex normativity and assumptions about what counts as sex and what sex looks like. My work is likely to disrupt and push against reader assumptions, in a bunch of different ways.

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