I’m working on a novel for #NaNoWriMo, a queer polyamorous kinky erotic romance titled Shocking Violet. It is a deeply polyamorous love story set in NYC, amid the intensity of trans inclusion activism, and centers five disabled queers and their constellations of relationships. In this novel, Jax, a tg stone butch, and Violet, a cis high femme, slowly build the trust and access intimacy they need to explore the kind of D/s they both want to do with each other.
If you want to catch up/get more oriented: the synopsis is here. The first taste, which centers Jax’s spark of attraction for Violet is here. The inspiration Pinterest board (an ever-growing collection of images that I’m using to inspire the novel) is here. Find other excerpts and related links here.
Here is an excerpt from Violet and Jax’s first date:
“Violet, I would like to take you out to dinner tonight, just the two of us, at the Chinese restaurant down the street. Would you do me the honor?”
Violet blinked. Tilted her head, considered.
“Give me a moment,” she said. Jax nodded gravely.
Violet walked over to Roz and gave her a hug, telling her how great the class was. Roz grinned, still high from topping the room.
Violet leaned in and asked, “So this butch named Jax wants to take me to dinner. Do you know them?”
“Not personally, but yeah I’ve heard of him. You know how I told you about the trans butch that was working with these femmes here to remove that horrible party rule at LAP? That’s Jax.”
“Know anything else about him?” Roz always knew everybody. You had to if you worked the queer kink circuit like she did.
Roz grinned at Violet, her black eyes dancing. “He’s polyamorous. A dominant, and the kind of sadist that is known for playing hard.”
“Oh?” That had promise.
“He’s got a few boys he plays with regularly, but no serious partners, not for a while. Used to teach classes about Daddy play, but I heard he stopped flagging hunter green. Might just be a rumor from a girl he said no to, though. He hasn’t taught in like a year.”
“Hmmm.” No serious partners. Not a good sign. And a Daddy. Were all the hot butches Daddies? Well, maybe a retired Daddy. That might be ok. Those eyes sure were something.
“You should go for it. Honey, you seem all aflutter, and that’s a good thing. Let him flirt and see what happens. If he asked you, he ain’t looking for a little girl, is he?”
“No he is not. No one ever mistakes me for one of those.”
“Mmmhmm. That’s the truth. Now run along and enjoy your dinner. I gotta greet the public. See if you can show up at Lust tonight. This girl here has earned a reward, and I know she’d love to get kicked around with those hot boots of yours.” Roz stroked the back of the girl’s neck.
“I’ll see what I can do. I’m so tired these days. You know.”
“Yeah. I know. Well, if you show up with that hot butch, I’ll know the dinner went well. If I don’t see you, let’s talk soon, ok? I miss my personal Violet time.”
“I know, sweetie. I miss you too. You will be at Brunch Sunday, right?”
“As if I’d miss a chance to attend the famous Femme Brunch. Oh I will be there, in my finest.”
“Can’t wait to see it. Enjoy your public, darlin.” Violet kissed her cheek, and then walked back to her chair. Jax was there in his chair in the corner, watching her walk towards him, his eyes on her hips. She took a breath, and decided to leap. How else do you know?
“So where is this place you want to take me?” she asked, giving him a slow smile.
He grinned at her. “Down 7th a few blocks. It’s my favorite spot to eat when I’m in this neighborhood.”
“I’ll follow your lead.”
“Will you now? That would be a pleasure.” He rose and held up her coat for her. After she had it on, he gently lifted her hair out of the collar, his fingertips electric when they brushed against the back of her neck. Whoa. Those manners sure were something. His hand on her back as he skirted her around folks, moving slow and sure. Yup. He had moves alright. Roz was right, he did have her all aflutter.
Jax walked on the street side with her arm tucked in his as they navigated slowly through the ice. The air was sharp on her skin, and she could see her breath, but her coat was warm and she liked going slow. A couple times he steered her away from icy patches as they walked. He held the door, pulled out her fucking chair in the restaurant.
All this chivalry built to an ache in Violet’s throat, because each new thing was accompanied by an inquisitive look engaging her consent, was this ok with her, his eyes would ask, gently, respectfully. Oh yeah it was ok. It was more than ok. There was no take in it, no assumption. He was a dominant? She’d never met a masculine dominant that acted like this. Hadn’t thought she ever would.
She took a deep breath, focused on reading the menu. There seriously was a dish called Revolution #5? She looked up at him and grinned. “I am tempted by Revolution #5.”
“How could you not be tempted by revolution?” he chuckled. She just kept smiling into his eyes.
“Seriously, it’s the favored dish of my vegetarian and vegan friends here. Damned tasty.”
“Though the stringbeans and fried tofu are also really good. The eggplant with garlic sauce, and the green gyoza. Most of my friends are vegetarians. I myself am a carnivore.”
“Oh, really. I never would have guessed.”
“Oh, most definitely. What about you?”
“Oh, I am pretty carnivorous myself, but tonight I think I am not going to be able to resist the revolution.”
“Want to share a few things? I can make a few carnivorous recommendations, if you’d like.”
They ended up ordering the revolution #5 of course, and beef with snow peas, chicken with walnuts, with cold noodles and stringbeans with fried tofu as appetizers. An amazing spread, and timely, because Violet was ravenous all of a sudden.
Jax took out his insulin, and Violet averted her eyes when he did his injection. It felt right, like he wouldn’t want her to look at his stomach. Not in an ashamed for being fat kind of way, she didn’t get that vibe, but more in an I bet this is a stone butch who doesn’t take off his clothes in front of people kind of way. But then she questioned herself, and felt like she needed to put the fat stuff right out there.
“You sure know how to get a fat girl,” she said, grinning at him.
He raised his brows at her. Said nothing, just waited for her to explain.
“I mean, nothing puts me more at ease than a bunch of awesome food choices, especially when I can tell the person taking me to dinner loves food, and wants to see me enjoy eating it.”
“I don’t have a feeder fetish,” he said, a bit roughly.
“Oh no, I didn’t mean that.” She sighed. “There I go, putting my foot in my mouth.”
“What did you really want to say to me, Violet?”
She just blurted it out. What else was there to do at this point. “Look, I’m a fat activist. I use the word fat like a description. I’m fat. It’s part of who I am, and I’m not ashamed of it, or trying to change it. I’m not interested in feeder fetish stuff, either. I really enjoy food. Like most of the fat activists I know who grew up with a lot of food deprivation, having a spread like this and being encouraged, expected, that of course I’d want to eat feels…like I’m accepted. Like it’s ok to be fat and eat in public and I’m not going to be judged.”
“Ah.” Jax grinned at her. “Thanks for clarifying. That was very helpful. I’m a fat activist myself. I haven’t been involved as much in a while, which is a bit of a story. I love food. Most of the fatties I know love food too. Food is one of the most intense pleasures in life. So, eat. I will enjoy watching you enjoy your food, I can tell you that. Is that alright with you?”
Violet felt the blush rise, and nodded, so damn grateful he asked. This shit was so fucking loaded. Ok. The appetizers arrived and gave her something to do with her hands. She concentrated on stirring the cold noodles with these awesome tongs they gave her, then looked up at him, asking with her eyes if she could serve him some.
“I’d like a small portion,” he said, his voice a bit hoarse. It made her shiver, that and the intensity of his eyes as he said it, as if he was taking a risk.
It felt like the world contracted a bit, and she was holding her breath. She’d just gone there without even deciding to, as if her whole self had yearned toward him and reached without thought, just reached. She hadn’t let herself go there in so damn long. She’d been sure it would be hard (and it probably would be), but in this moment, it had this rightness to it and all she felt was the desire. Whoa. Double fucking whoa.
Violet forced herself to breathe, and just let it all out in her smile as she bent over the little plate, making sure she had the right portion, that there were cucumbers on the plate, that it looked pleasing to the eye. Just let herself sink into this small pleasure as a gift for herself. It was ok to let it out just a bit. It was ok. She’d forgotten the way colors seemed brighter when she did this, the way calm sat in her heart. Oh my. This butch was dangerous.